Tina @ 1B Joseph St Lidcombe

[James Dean]

Chinese Massage
1 B Joseph Street.
Lidcombe
0415270788

Hi All,

This Is a review of Tina.

Everything in life happens within a context and it will help you to understand this punt if I make it contextual.

The first thing you need to understand is ‘that look’. We have no definition for ‘that look’ in English, but it surrounds us all the time. In a sense a part of ‘that look’ is disappointment, but it also has a element of disbelief or incredulity to it. The following situations may help.

There was one Xmas I was really excited because I got it in my head that my parents would buy me a stereo system to play my records on. When Xmas arrived all I got was a soundtrack album from the Elvis movie GI Blues and a record by Hawskhaw Hawkins. Yes, Hawskhaw Hawkins and the damned song was called Pataino and it was about a fucking horse. When I looked at these, the following exchange occurred:

Dean: Thanks Mom and Dad.
Mom: You have a strange look on your face James. What is that look?
Dean: I guess it’s that I am so happy and elated.
Mom: Don’t you like Elvis and GI Blues?
Dean: You bet. Elvis is a combination of Brando and Montgomery Clift.
Dad: Your kidding?
Dean: I bet Elvis gets an Oscar for this one.

They knew I was bullshitting, but it was better than the Xmas before. That year my Dad told the family on Xmas eve that Santa had committed suicide. Oh well, Elvis and Hawskhaw Hawkins is better than nothing. (Maybe.)

Then there was that time I went out with Natzumi Shibata and a double date with Eleanor Okada and Vaughn Carmera. At the end of the date Natzumi told me she only went out with me because Vaughn would only go out with Eleanor if it was a double date. The following conversation ensued:

Natzumi: What is that look on your face?
Dean: What do you mean?
Natzumi: You don’t look happy.
Dean: I haven’t been this happy since I listened to Elvis and Hawskhaw Hawkins!
Natzumi: I’ve upset you.
Dean: Look at this face. This is a happy face.

I think the best way to define ‘that look’ is to refer to a Seinfeld episode. In it George Costanza tells Jerry he has ‘ that look’ and Jerry asks ‘What do you mean?” and George replies “It’s the same look my Dad had on his face when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist”.

From now on we will call this the Ventriloquist Look.

I met my nephew P.Diddy at Lidcombe. He wanted to go and see what Taylors Gentleman’s Club had to offer. We entered the back way and it felt like I was surrounded by indoor clothes lines with black sheets drying on them. We were led into a pitch black waiting room and told by a young Chinese guy only two girls were available.

The first lady to pop her head in looked like something the cat dragged in. She her name was Queenie and she had all the appeal of a Hawskhaw Hawkins record.

The second was a bleached, blonde Korean who could not have been more disinterested. Diddy thought she was a ladyboy as she looked like she had more testosterone in her than the whole South Sydney Rugby League team, including Rusty Crowe.

We walked.

Around the corner were two Asian massage place. The first was 1B Joseph Street and the second was 11 Joseph St. where I remembered a mate Exmel ‘The Pirate’ Punter had got a root there BUT Diddy wanted 1B so 1B it was.

We walked up 2 flights of stairs to be greeted by an average looking Chinese milf who said she and another lady were available. I took the milf and Diddy got a very attractive young, fresh faced, hottie.

The room was a reasonable sixe and Tina, the milf, turned on the portable air-conditioning unit. She began the massage and demonstrated little real technique, but at times on the legs it was fine. There was not even the slighted hint of anything erotic.

She left several times during the session as she was reception and this joint seemed busier that Central Station at peak hour.

Finally she got some hot towels and rubbed me down and told me to turn over. She covered my stick with a towel and massaged my head. (I hate head massages!) Finally the following interaction occurred:

Dean: Do you do extras?
Tina: No.
Dean: Ok.
Tina: You want handjob?
Dean: How much?
Tina: $50.
Dean: Forget it. Just massage my dandruff. (I had the Ventriloquist Look)
Tina: Ok $20.

This interaction sort of pissed me off. She starts out thinking I am schmuck and with no haggling diminishes the price by over 50%! I threw in a few more dollars and got topless with teat sucking and light lip kissing.

She put enough oil on my stick to marinate four Xmas turkeys and I literally couldn’t feel a thing. Eventually I pulled her to me and, while sharing a prolonged kiss, jerked myself off.

No shower was offered so I put on my clothes and walked out with her leading the way. On my way out I saw a young Asian guy sitting on the landing and the following interaction occurred:

Dean: Is that scrawny son-of-a-bitch your son?
Tina: No, he’s a customer.

Outside I waited for Diddy. A soon as he arrived the following conversation ensued:

Dean; You have the Ventriloquist Look.
Diddy: I sure do. I didn’t get shit.
Dean: No handjob?
Diddy: Zilch, nada . . .nothing.

So there you have it. I won’t be back to this joint.

I know the Ventriloquist look will return, but I hope not soon.

I’ve enjoyed talking with you folks.

See you again soon.

Until that time friends . . .until that time.

James